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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28902687">I Had To Face The Who Am I And Who Is She And What Did I Do</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mysticanni/pseuds/mysticanni'>mysticanni</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crossdressing, Disapproving Family, Divorce, Drunkenness, Extramarital Affairs, Friendship, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Las Vegas, M/M, Marriage, Unplanned Pregnancy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 10:33:25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,934</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28902687</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mysticanni/pseuds/mysticanni</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>John offers to enter into a marriage of convenience to help his friend Veronica who is alone and pregnant in a society that disapproves of unmarried mothers.</p><p>There's just one problem - John has a vague memory of marrying someone else one hazy night in Las Vegas.  Can he track down his spouse and obtain a divorce?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>John Deacon/Roger Taylor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Joger Week 2021</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Had To Face The Who Am I And Who Is She And What Did I Do</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Prompt: Divorce<br/>This probably requires a little suspension of disbelief – it is set in a world where a relationship between two men or being an unmarried mother would have been frowned upon but to make the story work I’ve made marriage between two men legal in Las Vegas during the same era which I suspect may not have been the case in real life.  Also, The Venetian hotel in Las Vegas didn’t open until 1999 and while I don't have a definite year in mind for this it would be well before then - but it makes a nice surreal setting for my story so I’ve happily ignored that.  </p><p>The title is from 'The Big Light' by Elvis Costello.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had not been a wonderful situation to start with.  And it had just got worse.</p><p>John stared at the registrar in bewilderment.  “Already married?” he croaked, “Well...No...I’m...”</p><p>But a hazy memory was beginning to surface of a bridal dress glittering with crystals – of a gondola ride through an indoor canal...  “Oh,” he muttered, “Las Vegas...But...That can’t be legal, surely?”</p><p>The registrar seemed completely unbothered by John’s apparent attempt to marry Veronica bigamously and regarded him placidly over the top of his half-moon glasses.  “Yes,” he nodded, “I’m afraid it is very much a valid and legally binding marriage, Mr Deacon.  Therefore unless you have a divorce certificate...?”  He regarded John hopefully. </p><p>John shook his head.  He didn’t even think he had a copy of the marriage certificate although presumably there had been one.  He certainly hadn’t divorced the person he could not really recall marrying in an alcohol-fuelled haze one crazy night in Las Vegas during his recent visit there. </p><p>The registrar sighed, sounding genuinely regretful.  “In that case, I regret we can proceed no further with your application to marry Ms Tetzlaff until you are in possession of a divorce certificate from your previous marriage.”</p><p>Ever since the registrar had cleared his throat and announced, “Mr Deacon, our records show that you have a previous marriage,” Veronica had simply been staring at him.  John had looked at the registrar, keen to avoid her gaze.  Now, he glanced towards her.</p><p>“Well,” she said, her tone clipped, “Thank you for your time, Mr Kennedy.” She inclined her head regally towards the registrar then rose from her chair.  “It appears we have some things to discuss,” she added, sounding quite grim as she looked at John.</p><p>John trailed miserably out of the registrar’s office behind her.  “I’m sorry,” he tried.  “It was in Las Vegas and I was so drunk I don’t even really remember it.”</p><p>“Yes, well,” Veronica sighed -one hand covering her barely showing baby bump, “That’s no use to me, is it?”</p><p>“I’m so sorry,” John said.</p><p>“It’s not your fault,” Veronica muttered, adding, “Well, I suppose it is your fault but you weren’t to know I was going to get myself into this predicament.”</p><p>“I could get a divorce,” John offered, “If I can find the person I married,” he added doubtfully. </p><p>“Perhaps I should just come clean to my parents about the father of the child,” Veronica sighed.  The registry office had a nicely kept garden where wedding photographs could be taken for couples who married at the registry office itself and now Veronica subsided gracefully onto a wooden bench under a tree.  “Maybe I should own up to having an affair not only with a married man but with one of the university professors.  They’ll kick me out of the house, of course,” she gulped. </p><p>“I’ll look after you,” John assured her gently, “Even if I can’t marry you.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Veronica smiled at him, “It might be for the best,” she noted, “Who knows what might happen in the future – perhaps you could marry the man of your dreams!  You wouldn’t be able to do that if you were married to me and bringing up another man’s child.”</p><p>“Anyone who loved me,” John flushed at the idea of anyone loving him, “would understand,” he stated.</p><p>“I’m not sure that’s true,” Veronica told him, “But it was very kind of you to offer to marry me, even if it hasn’t worked out.  You’re a much better friend than I deserve.”  She stood up again and they linked arms.  “Let’s find somewhere to have a cup of tea and you can tell me what you can remember about your marriage.”</p><p>*</p><p>It had been an educational trip, John explained, over tea and scones in a cafe near the registry office.  Some of the final year students in the engineering department were taken on a visit to the Hoover Dam.  They stayed in nearby Las Vegas so it was a popular trip.</p><p>As one of the newest and youngest faculty members John had not expected to get to accompany the students on the trip.  There had been no shortage of volunteers amongst the more experienced lecturers on the staff.  However, shortly before the trip one of the staff members going had fallen ill and John had been the only one who could take their place with little notice.  “One of the perks of not being married with children,” Veronica observed as she spread jam across her scone.</p><p>John had not realised that the trip was a joint one between the engineering department, the art department (“The dam is marvellous structure to draw,” Freddie, one of the art department staff on the trip had enthused, “and Las Vegas itself has so many amazing sights.”) and the maths department (“A study in probability,” Brian, one of the maths department’s staff on the trip had commented, “Plus everyone thinks they will be able to win huge amounts,” he had added rolling his eyes.) and as Freddie and Brian were nearest to him in age and standing in their respective departments he had found himself spending most of his free time with them.</p><p>It helped that Brian and Freddie were a couple so John felt able to let them know he too was attracted to men without fear of being beaten up and losing his job.  Veronica looked at him sympathetically over the rim of her tea-cup and they both sighed at the narrow-mindedness of society.</p><p>“I can’t really blame them,” John sighed, “Partly Las Vegas itself was to blame.”</p><p>He explained to Veronica that the casinos in Las Vegas had free entertainment and in some cases free alcohol to entice customers through their doors.  “It was our last full night there,” John said, “We had the next day off for sight-seeing and our flight home was in late afternoon so it didn’t matter if we had a few drinks.  We took advantage of some of the complimentary drinks packages on offer.”</p><p>Then Brian had thrown a handful of loose change into a slot machine and won several hundred dollars.  That had become their kitty for the rest of the night.</p><p>“I remember the night pretty much up to us watching the dancing fountains outside the Bellagio hotel, “ John muttered, “and then it all becomes a bit of a blur.”</p><p>“Do you remember meeting your bride at all?” Veronica asked. </p><p>John shook his head.  “It’s all very hazy.  I have a dim memory of a blonde in a wedding dress with big blue eyes and streaks of mascara down her face because she’d been crying.  She’d been jilted, I think.”  He frowned.  “We must have been in The Venetian, I think, at least at one point because I think I was on a gondola with her.”</p><p>“A gondola,” Veronica marvelled, “in Las Vegas!”</p><p>“Inside a hotel in Las Vegas,” John confirmed, “They have canals and gondolas – it’s one of the attractions of the casino.  You can get married there.  I wonder if that is where I got married.”  He sipped his tea.  </p><p>“They have chapels where you can get married by an Elvis Presley impersonator don’t they?” Veronica laughed, “That’s how I imagined you getting wed!”</p><p>John shrugged, “I have no idea,” he sighed.  “I wonder if Freddie and Brian can remember anything.”</p><p>*</p><p>John waited patiently for Freddie to stop laughing.  “I’d completely forgotten about that!” he cried then began to giggle again.  </p><p>Brian frowned at him, “I’m not sure John is finding this as amusing as you are,” he gently reprimanded Freddie with an apologetic glance at John.  “Um...Did you ask the registrar for the name of the other party?” he wondered. </p><p>“Oh,” John sighed, “No, I didn’t think of that.  That would have been sensible.  It was just such a shock...”</p><p>“Oh, yes, it must have been, dear,” Freddie nodded wiping tears of mirth from his eyes.  “We met a poor little jilted bride at the bar in The Venetian,” he explained, “And you two seemed to immediately like each other and you two got married instead since the wedding had already been paid for.  It was so sweet.  Brian and I were witnesses.  The ceremony was held on a gondola.”</p><p>“I can’t remember the bride’s name, though,” Brian told John apologetically, “Sorry.”</p><p>“It began with an ‘R’ I think,” Freddie murmured, screwing up his face in concentration, “Sorry, darling, I can’t remember it either.”</p><p>“I’m sure we took photographs,” Brian announced suddenly, “but I’m afraid I haven’t got round to developing the film yet.”</p><p>“I’d be interested in seeing my bride when you do,” John said with a slightly forced laugh.  He was resigning himself to go back to the registrar and revealing that he was in the humiliating position of having to ask for the name of the person he had married.</p><p>*</p><p>“Roger Meddows Taylor,” the registrar informed him with a small smile.</p><p>“R..Roger?” John repeated, feeling stunned, “But there was a wedding dress!” he protested.  “Can Roger be a female name?” he wondered. </p><p>“We also register births,” Mr Kennedy, the registrar, replied dryly, “and I have discovered that people are very inventive with regards to naming their offspring.  I have yet to come across a female Roger, however, although there is a first time for everything.”  He eyed John and added, in a low voice although they were alone in the office, “I do not make judgements on anyone, Mr Deacon.” </p><p>“Thank you,” John said, not entirely sure if he was thanking Mr Kennedy for not declaring his disgust that John had apparently married another man or if he was thanking him for giving  him the unexpected name of his spouse.  “Um...Do you have any idea how I would go about finding him?”</p><p>To John’s mixed joy and trepidation Mr Kennedy informed him that there was an address for Roger Meddows Taylor on the marriage certificate.  He had even more mixed feelings when the address turned out to be in London.  “London,” he echoed, feeling dazed.  “Not...”  His spouse was not from the United States, then.  “Thank you very much,” he said politely to the registrar then hurried out of the office.  </p><p>He found Brian in his office at the university.  Freddie was there too, perched on Brian’s desk sipping tea.  They listened as John told them what he had discovered about his mystery bride. </p><p>Freddie snapped his fingers, “Roger!  Of course, that was it!  I knew it began with an ‘R’.”</p><p>“You knew it was a man?” John shrieked. </p><p>“Well, yes, darling, of course,” Freddie looked puzzled for a moment, “Oh, did you think you’d married a woman?  I had thought you would remember that much!”</p><p>“I don’t remember anything!” John seethed, “And yes, from my hazy memory of a bridal gown I had thought it was a woman wearing it!”</p><p>“He did look very fetching,” Freddie sighed, “It was a very pretty dress.  The poor darling thought it was the dress that had caused his beloved to reject him.”  Freddie’s face lit up.  “When are you going to see him?”</p><p>*</p><p>John looked at the scrap of paper the registrar had scribbled the address on and looked at the building before him.  His spouse apparently lived in a sooty end of terrace house near the railway tracks.  John bit his lip in hesitation.  He was not quite sure what he was doing here.  </p><p>Veronica had told her parents about the baby and the father.  Neither of her parents had been happy with her but she still had a roof over her head.  She no longer needed John to obtain a divorce and put a ring on her finger.  There was talk of her going to stay with an aunt and returning ‘widowed’ with a child after a suitable interval.  Which seemed like a lot of ridiculous convoluted nonsense to John but those were sadly the times they lived in and it would at least allow Veronica to keep her baby and give her a veneer of respectability.</p><p>As John dithered the front door opened and a beautiful blond emerged.  He saw John standing by the garden gate and looked a little wary for a moment before he suddenly broke into a wide smile.  “John!” he exclaimed, “You found me!  Come in!  No, wait, don’t!  I was just on my way to the corner shop for milk.  Come with me and then we can have tea when we get back!”</p><p>“Roger?” John said uncertainly.</p><p>“That’s right,” the blond confirmed, “Roger Taylor.  And I know you’re John but I’m afraid your surname has slipped my mind?”</p><p>“Deacon,” John confirmed, “Uh...”  How much did Roger remember about their night in Las Vegas?  “We’re married,” he said weakly.  “Legally,” he added. </p><p>Roger grinned.  “Isn’t it amazing that we could do that over in the States but we can’t even admit to having a relationship with each other here?” he shook his head, his grin fading.  “Do you...?  Have you...?  Do you want a divorce?”</p><p>“No,” John said without even thinking about it.  He frowned.  He did want a divorce, didn’t he?  He could not continue to be married to a complete stranger.  And yet his subconscious clearly thought he wanted to continue to be married to this complete stranger.  “Do you?” he asked.</p><p>Roger shook his head.  He gave John a shy little look.  “I’m so pleased you’ve found me.  I was hoping that perhaps we could...pick things up where we left off?”</p><p>John had started following Roger along the street presumably towards the corner shop.  He halted now.  “I’m afraid I don’t remember all that much about the night I met you,” John admitted, “So I’m not very sure where we left off.”</p><p>“Oh, you were very drunk,” Roger nodded.  “I just mean...I would very much like to get to know you better.”</p><p>“I think I’d like that too,” John smiled. </p><p>*</p><p>Roger bought milk and a packet of chocolate digestives at the corner shop so he had something to offer John with his tea.  He felt almost giddy with excitement.  “I never thought I’d see you again,” he told John after they had left the shop and were on their way back to his house.  He tried to think how he had left the place.  It was reasonably tidy, he thought.</p><p>“I’m afraid I didn’t remember you at all,” John said, “until I was registering to marry someone here and the registrar found my previous marriage.”</p><p>Roger felt a little of his happiness drain away.  But hadn’t John said he didn’t want a divorce?  “So you do want a divorce?” he asked, confused, “Sorry, I thought you said...?”</p><p>“I did.  I don’t.  I don’t want a divorce, that is,” John answered him, “I was...Veronica is pregnant and I was going to give her my name but...She’s taken a different route...”</p><p>Roger listened as John explained about Veronica’s situation.  He thought how kind John was to have been willing to enter into a marriage of convenience for his friend and told him so. </p><p>John shook his head, “It would have been convenient for me too,” he pointed out.  “Someone in my position is expected to have a wife and family.”  He sighed.  “But I am quite glad it worked out as it did – I’m not sure how that kind of pretending would work long term.” </p><p>Roger nodded.  “A lot of people do it,” he murmured.  “I’m very glad you’re still married to me, though!” </p><p>“I can still hardly believe that,” John told him, “It seems so...”</p><p>He seemed unable to think of an adequate word to describe being married to Roger.  Unlikely, perhaps, Roger thought, or odd, maybe, hopefully not unwelcome.  “My memories,” John continued, “of you in a wedding dress and of us being on a gondola,” he laughed and shook his head, “It all just seems so surreal.”</p><p>Roger smiled, feeling slightly uneasy.  John recalled the wedding dress then.  If he had an issue with that he wouldn’t be here, would he?  He fished in the pocket of his trousers for his door key and unlocked the front door.  He gestured to John to precede him into the house.  “Please,” he urged him. </p><p>John stepped inside and Roger followed him.  He indicated that John should move into the room to their right – the door was slightly ajar – and John did so.  Roger found him looking around the small sitting room.  “I don’t have much furniture yet,” Roger explained apologetically.  “Come through to the kitchen and we can have our tea and biscuits at the table.”</p><p>John obediently followed Roger through the door at the back of the sitting room into the kitchen and made the same exclamation of surprise everyone made.  “Yes,” Roger laughed, “It’s unexpectedly big, isn’t it?”  He was already filling the kettle and putting it on to boil.  “Do you take milk and sugar in your tea?”  He considered this, “You do like tea, don’t you?  I had an American guest the other day with a preference for coffee but I’m afraid I don’t have any.”</p><p>He was relieved when John said tea would be fine.  “Um...What do you do?” John asked. </p><p>Roger smiled at him.  “I’m a continuity announcer with the BBC,” he told John.  “I say things in-between the programmes.  You know – ‘A real treat next...’ or ‘Now it’s time for the news and weather...’”</p><p>“Oh!  Oh, I thought you sounded familiar!” John grinned at him.</p><p>“It doesn’t pay brilliantly, but I’ve been saving up and I recently bought this place.  It doesn’t need much work done to it, which is good as I’m terrible at DIY but I feel my few sticks of furniture look a bit lonely!” Roger told him.  He was gabbling, he realised, and told himself to calm down.</p><p>“I think this is better than an overcrowded room would be,” John told him, taking a seat at the kitchen table.</p><p>“I think...I’m pretty sure you said you taught engineering at a university?” Roger said as he set a mug of tea in front of John and set a plate of biscuits on the table.  “Help yourself,” he added, gesturing towards the biscuits and settling himself at the table with his own mug of tea.</p><p>John explained why he had been in Las Vegas on the night of their marriage.  “I dimly recall meeting you in the bar at the hotel,” he told Roger.  “You were crying,” he added softly. </p><p>Roger flushed.  “I was being an idiot,” he muttered.  “I’d gone on holiday there with the man I was seeing at the time and...Well...We’d joked about getting married but when we were out there...” Roger sighed, “Maybe I pushed too hard,” he sighed.  “And...He’d seen me in women’s clothes before but never in public.  I just...I wanted to get married in a dress...”</p><p>“You looked very beautiful,” John told him. </p><p>“I thought you couldn’t remember,” Roger teased him, feeling pleased nevertheless. </p><p>“I remember that,” John assured him.</p><p>“Yes, well, my ex got cold feet when he saw me in the dress,” Roger sighed, “Maybe that’s why the groom is not supposed to see the bride before the marriage ceremony,” he mused, “And he vanished.”</p><p>“Did you see him again?” John wondered. </p><p>Roger shook his head.  “When I returned to our hotel room he’d packed and gone.  He’d left a note to say he was sorry but he didn’t think we should see each other again.”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” John told him softly. </p><p>“Don’t be,” Roger smiled at him, “I wouldn’t have met you if...Well, perhaps it was meant to be, that’s what I’m trying to say.”</p><p>He dipped a chocolate digestive in his tea and nibbled on it enjoying the soothing warmth of the melting chocolate in his mouth.  He sipped his tea and wondered how to ask how much John remembered.  Perhaps he should just dive in – like ripping the dressing off a wound.  “Um...Do you remember us consummating our marriage?” he asked. </p><p>John almost choked on his tea and Roger waited until he had coughed and spluttered and mopped his face with his handkerchief.  “Sorry,” Roger apologised, “I didn’t mean to upset you.”</p><p>*</p><p>“You haven’t upset me,” John assured him hoarsely.  “I just...I’d forgotten until now...”</p><p>Images swam into his head.  He had undressed Roger carefully as if he was opening a beautifully wrapped gift.  As he had undone each of the fiddly tiny buttons in a row down Roger’s back he had bestowed a kiss on the warm skin he had revealed.  He had thrilled at how firm Roger’s astonishingly small waist had felt while he was wearing the corset the removal of the frothy dress had revealed.  He had carefully unhooked Roger’s stockings and rolled them off his silky smooth shaved legs, caressing his skin with his fingers.  Then he had unlaced the corset freeing Roger from the prison of it.</p><p>Roger had still been veiled – his hair falling in soft waves around his face and the lace veil softening his features.  John had allowed his hands to roam over Roger’s naked body with the veil – the final barrier to kissing him – still in place – teasing Roger before he finally unclipped the veil from Roger’s hair. </p><p>“You were...sensational,” he croaked now.  Then he remembered something else.  “You fell asleep in my arms...afterwards...but when I woke up the next day you had gone...”</p><p>Roger flushed.  “I’m sorry,” he said softly, “I was a bit overwhelmed.  You were...It felt right with you.  I felt like I’d come home.  I went back to my hotel room to see my lover and to tell him we were over, but he’d already gone.  When I returned to your hotel you’d checked out and gone too,” he explained. </p><p>“Ah,” John nodded, “Our flight back was booked for late that afternoon.  It was afternoon when I woke up and I had a bit of a scramble to pack and get on to the coach that was taking us to the airport.  I guess maybe you hadn’t left long before I woke up?”</p><p>“It was afternoon,” Roger confirmed.  His face brightened.  “But we’ve found each other now!”</p><p>“What if...” John curled both hands around his mug savouring the warmth and ordinariness of having a mug of tea in his hands – an anchor in this strange turn of events in his life. </p><p>“What if I don’t like sober John?” Roger asked, as if he had read John’s mind.  John nodded.  “Well, I was a little bit worried you might not be interested in me if I wasn’t wearing a dress.”</p><p>“I was very interested in you once you were out of the dress,” John grinned at him then wondered if that sounded really sleazy.  “Um...”</p><p>Roger gave him a wicked grin.  “I seem to remember that you enjoyed undressing me,” he said.  “I’m not...I don’t expect anything from you,” he told John in a more serious tone.  “I’m...I know this whole situation is crazy and I...”  He shrugged, “I liked you enough to marry you at pretty much first sight and I’d very much like to get to know you better now.  No pressure, though.”  He grinned at John again.  “Just let me know if you want a divorce!”</p><p>John grinned back.  “I would like to get to know you better,” he said, realising that while he had been unsure earlier now he meant it.  Perhaps his uninhibited drunken self was a better judge of what was best for him than his everyday self.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Someone who used to work in a registry office once told me that a surprisingly high number of people who applied to get married turned out to already be married to someone else.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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